The WINLESS teams of college football, 2009

Have mercy on the WINLESS in college football!

There are lots of lists we all like to be on, lists that announce that you are a member of an elite club. Entertainment likes to have their “best dressed” list, and every facet of Americana likes to have their “best list”.

But some lists you DON’T want to be on…such as the list of winless teams in the college football ranks. Now I know we are only 5 weeks into the season, many teams having played either 4 or 5 games, but the list at this point has an exclusive list of 8 members…and to be sure, NONE want to remain on this list.

But you have to ask yourself, how many, if any, of these teams can actually get off that big fat zero sitting in the wins column? Well, maybe some have a chance, let’s see:

We start in the Conference USA, where Rice is currently 0-5. This is actually incredible because last year they were 10-3, and they have taken a serious dump in the talent pool. New key players will make it very hard for this team to accomplish as much as they would have liked, and now they are on the fringe of not even qualifying for a bowl. Granted they did play Texas Tech, Oklahoma State and Vanderbilt, whoever set that schedule up was either going straight for the money or didn’t care about sacrificing young men to a life of constant losing. And with Houston, Tulsa, ECU and Navy yet to come, there is NO way they can win enough to qualify for a bowl. They can’t lose more than 2 more games. Their experience will not let them go 0-12, but I see maybe 3 wins this year.

Now let’s travel to the Mountain West, where New Mexico is also 0-5. Ugh. Key losses to Texas A&M, Air Force and Texas Tech hurt them bad, but at this moment the Mountain West Conference has a LOT of teams on the winning end. Their best chance to win a few games is now, with Wyoming, UNLV and San Diego State coming up, but two of those games are on the road. After that trio, then it REALLY gets tough with Utah, BYU, Colorado State and TCU…who set THAT schedule up…ugh. With a team that won only 1 road game (vs. New Mexico State), I don’t see more than 2 wins this year.

And now, we travel to the Mid-American Conference, which entertains us with not one, not two, but THREE winless teams. Let’s check this out one at a time, shall we?

Miami (OH) is 0-5 where only a quarter of the teams in the conference has a winning record. Mind you, the Redhawks have fallen to the likes of Kentucky, Boise State and Cincinnati, so be kind to them. But they have Northwestern coming up, so we can almost say they will be 0-6 very soon. What does not help is that this team only won 2 games last year, and thankfully Bowling Green is on the schedule. But in a conference where even 0-5 isn’t in the sewers, and where the best and least team is still in the mix, I won’t totally say they will go winless, but their track record gives them a terrible shot.

Ball State was an amazing 12-2 last year…had a PERFECT SEASON! What the heck happened? Now they are 0-5, losing games to North Texas, New Hampshire (what?), Army, Auburn and Toledo. Personally I think their losses stem from something deeper than we know. Remember folks, this team had the perfect 12-0 season, but realized that no matter how good they played, there was no real award for them. They were locked into a so-so bowl, and were treated like the proverbial red-headed stepchild. I believe they lost heart, which shown last year when the lost to Buffalo in the Mid-American Championship, then lost their postseason bowl to Tulsa…then lost this year to 1-11 North Texas…and it keeps going. The Cardinals have lost heart…and may lose the entire season. I will, out of hope, give them 3 games, because they just got to wake up and play ball like the undefeated team they once were.

Eastern Michigan is 0-4, but of the other undefeated teams, may have had the tougher road. Losing to Army, Michigan, Northwestern and Temple can be tough, although that Temple game is so-so. But again, in a conference where you have two other teams that are 0 and something, you always have a chance. They DO get Ball State at home, but this was a team that won 3 games last year. Still in this conference, all three of these 0 teams can get at least one win.

And that brings us to the Sun Belt Conference, who also has 4 winless teams. A conference so delicious Nebraska just had to have not one, not two, but three of these teams on their schedule. Why don’t we just go ahead and make Nebraska one of the Sun Belt, they obviously love it there. Anyway, let’s look at these three winless teams:

Western Kentucky loses some hard games to Tennessee, South Florida and Navy, with a little Central Arkansas mixed in there. But like the Mid-American Conference, I think if you have 3 winless teams, you ALWAYS have a chance to get off that losing skid. But what if you won only 2 games last year, which these Hilltoppers did? And worse, those two wins were not from anybody in the conference, so you may not see a win this year! But again, when you’re not the only team with zero wins, there is always hope… you have two other brethren in the cellar with you, so it’s not lonely. But can they win even ONE game….I don’t know…

Florida Atlantic managed to win 7 games last year, and are way behind the eight ball now…and might have eight losses before anything changes. Their best hope now is to beat North Texas, who was 1-11 last year, but we add on that this is currently a conference that has three winless teams. If any of those teams is going to get off the snide, it will be the Owls. In fact, I can see this team winning as many as 4 games by the end of the season. Fret not Owls, there is hope.

And finally we have Florida International, also 0-4. This school missed the post season by a sliver, but in the Sun Belt, it might as well been by a light year. They won 5 games last year, and this year faced Alabama, Rutgers and Toledo, but did lose a conference game to a team that won 4 games last year. It just seems that the Sun Belt is a dog fight from top to bottom, so nobody is out of the game. Winning 5 or 6 games is still possible, but with so many games already passed, I think the Golden Panthers have a better chance of beating the Golden Girls than winning 5 games. But 4...maybe. Three? Quite possible. Two? Count on it.

So those are our eight members of the elite club of the winless. Let’s hope that none of these teams remain here at the end of the year, we all want to see these guys succeed, even if it just means getting a win in the column for once in the season.